Equally we are not drawn to people who's qualities we don't admire. Often when this happens, we are discovering a shadow part of ourselves that needs unravelling.
Take a moment to think about someone you admire. What qualities do you prize in them? Below the surface of physical attributes or possessions, which traits do you praise? Do you admire, courage, loyalty, creativity? Do you honour their compassion, or truthfulness?
As you're thinking about this person now, does your heart feel warm?
Your heart warms because these traits are inside of you too.
It's a challenge to appreciate a trait unless you have experienced it too.
In order to value loyalty, you must know what loyalty is. You must sense what it means to be dependable, steady, faithful, dedicated and you also know the pain of disloyalty.
You possess the possibility for a host of attributes or characteristics. When you see them in others, your heart lights up. When you yourself act in accordance with these qualities, you feel a sense of well-being, things feels aligned. You are acting with integrity. The qualities that you are demonstrating are the standards that are most important to you, the standards that express who you are.
Using the word Integrity simply defines "whole and complete, intact".
When you discover your Standards of Integrity you will begin to build a confident foundation of your own standards and being to see them in others too.
This process will ask about 40 minutes of your time, which you can split into two x 20 minute sessions. This needs quiet time, so make sure you're not disturbed, get still and contemplative.
1. Take a clean page and on the left side list all the people who have qualities you admire. Write their names, using the check list below to spur your memory. Take your time and reach back into the past. the list of possibilities include:-
- Your family, such as your mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, grandfather, grandmother.
- School, such as teachers, principals, caretakers, classmates
- Religious teachers and leaders, ministers, priests, rabbis, sunday school teachers.
- Friends from school, work, home, social club or any other source.
- People in the healing professions, such as doctors, therapists, alternative medical professionals.
- Sports figures, whether from professional or amateur sports and the Olympics.
- World leaders, spiritual or political
- People in the arts and entertainment industry, such as actors, directors, singers, dancers, artists, musicians, and composers.
- Biblical figures, people important to your religion
- Mythological characters from Greek, Native American, East Indian, African, Egyptian or other cultures' myths.
- Anyone you have ever read about, whether real or fictional.
2. Survey down your list. Look at each name, starting with the first and working down. On the right side of the paper record the quality or trait you admire about that person. A quality is something that inspires you, such as loyal, intelligent, adventurous, courageous, creative, truthful etc.
Some of the attributes will be shared, but write them out again.
The list will be as long or as short as you like - there's no race to have the longest list, this is your own barometer.
3. When you have finished allocating qualities and traits to your list. Write all the qualities and traits down on a new page. If there are more than one, use Tick Marks next to it, to highlight where this has been noticed many times.
4. Now lets revisit this list. Take a new page and starting from the top, look at each trait. Spend a few moments contemplating each attribute. Ask yourself:-
- Does reading this word aloud, or to myself, warm my heart, if only for a moment?
- Do I like being in the presence of people who have this quality?
Repeat this process until you have contemplated each word on your original list. You may find you have transferred all of them, or just a few. Quantity is not important, What matters is you will begin to see what touches you and makes you feel in alignment. If one or two other qualities occur at this point, write them down as well.
5. Take the new list and place it in front of you. Each trait has significant and meaning for you. Write them out on a small card (say 3 x 5 inch) and write at the top: "These are my Standards of Integrity" and write at the bottom " I know these are mine because I see them in others."
Keep this card with you and look at it often during this coming week.
What you have before you is a blueprint for your own personal power. You possess these qualities you listed, they are part of your nature.
You might want to share these standards with someone else who has done this exercise, or perhaps a close friend. Often it can be done together and you can gain some profound insights and understandings. Our clients are also our guides and the qualities in them are reflections of qualities in you. Qualities we don't like in our clients are often a doorway to exploring what is happening within ourselves.
If you read over your Standards of Integrity, you really are describing your authentic nature. After a week of reading it daily to yourself, turn to your journal to see how this exercise has made you feel.
Record your observations about yourself in your journal. Work with them and see how you can let them in a little closer.
We'd love to hear about your thoughts on doing this exercise for your Journal. Do let us know in the comments below.
This is an adapted exercise taken from The Energy of Money by Maria Nemeth Phd